One often encounters depression upon loss of a loved one, whether it be severing of a relationship or losing someone to death. In these distressful times, ones thoughts often turn to inflicting self-harm or committing suicide. One should realize that that would not benefit him or the loved one in any way. Rather it would bring about even more grief and sorrow to those who love him. During such times, one will encounter difficulty and will often lose focus during work. One may even find himself becoming a failure at what he previously used to be the best at.
To approach the question, how to deal with losing someone you love. Well I don't know. I still haven't been able to cope with my father's death. I often relapse into depression thinking about all the times that I regret having behaved inappropriately, causing embarassment to my father. I often also think how much I miss him. Heck, tears still flow from my eyes from time to time.
So really, though I am publishing this post, I must confess I truly cannot say how to deal with losing someone you love.
Someone told me that the pain feels like an open wound right after the loss but with time feels like a scab or a scar. Unfortunately, that is not in my case. If anything, I have felt the pain intensify with time. Certainly, I may think of my father less often, but when I do, I am overcome with feelings of grief. So it is wrong for me to assume any ability to provide some effective advice based on my experience.
I also heard that to cope with the pain, you should remember the good times and cherish them. Now I may sound ungrateful, but the good times merely bring more regret into my heart for the simple reason that there weren't enough of them.
Earlier, as I had thought about this, I put as one of the points, to realize that one is not alone in facing this. This same situation has been faced by many others. When someone is facing such depressing thoughts, they should talk about it to someone. Upon introspection, I would say that this is effective but to a limited extent. I have yet to figure out what would help cope on a more longer term but I would certainly recommend leaning on ones circle of friends or family for support during such times for as long as need be - even if be longer than a year.
There is one thing that I would mention. We all have our own virtual lives that we think about, where we fantasize ourselves to be the best. We may often retreat to these virtual lives when faced with such bereavement. Though living in a virtual reality can be dangerous, we all need it sometimes to be able to recharge us or enable to us face the true and harsh reality that awaits us. So if you do feel like retreating to your own little world that exists in your mind, do so. If you find you like watching movies and imagining yourself as the protagonist, do so. The key is to be able to cope with loss. This may take various forms and this is definitely benign by most accounts.
Remember, there is no easy answer to how to deal with loss of a loved one. However, as we live our lives, we have to find an answer to preserve our sanity.
